Bi the way...
For those of you that do not know.. which makes around 7 billion two hundred ninety- nine million nine hundred ninety-nine thousand nine hundred people of the world.. I am bisexual. Or as I prefer to call it.. flexible!
Some people think that it must be easier for me to meet potential life partners. Double the amount of fish in the sea and all that. But no, it actually makes it harder. And I may be flexible.. but I am definitely not easy.. and rather picky!
I have had relationships with men and women.. as well as the odd psycho! Psycho's, by the way, can come in any form, which makes it likely for me to come across twice as many psycho's as a heterosexual or gay person will.. as they unassumingly hunt down their potential Mr or Mrs Right with a hidden machete, nerve gas and a boxed engangement ring! The odds are definitely against me!
I am not attracted to someone just because of what lies beneath their clothes.. I am attracted to someone for what lies beneath their surface. Unfortunately psycho's lay dormant way under the surface and come out to play just when you think they could be 'the one.' Then they secretly bug your bedroom, monitor all your texts, stalk your place of work and start stealing your dirty underwear. And as they can come in any form they are often hard to notice.. until it is too late and you are having to be placed in a dating protection programme and have a new face given to you by the best plastic surgeon Scotland Yard can buy. Obviously this is not the best way to go as funds are low, and ending up with a face like Bet Lynch would not help my cause.
If you are a living breathing creature of the world I may well find you attractive and interesting. You could be a woodland Elf living in a tree house, a social outcast with a penchant for cats, or a nerd that plays Quidditch in the park with an army of Harry Potter lookalikes. You could be the Mayor of Munchkin City or an Umpa Lumpa with a weight problem for all I care.. I really don't mind.. as long as there is that special spark and the all important 'chemistry.' It would also help if you can put up a shelf at 180 degrees, you can watch Little House On The Prairie on loop with me on a wet Sunday afternoon, you can make me laugh hysterically until I choke on my packet of Hob Nobs, and you can preferably cook.. as I can't!
Right now I am not looking for Mr or Mrs Right. That does not mean that I am looking for Mr or Mrs Wrong either.. I am just not looking. I am free from drama. I am free from heartbreak. I am free from a 'Mr' farting under the duvet. I am free from a 'Mrs' hogging the bathroom. I don't have to watch anything on the Dave channel which involves motorway chases and drug smuggling at Dover, and I am free from watching Loose Women! I am free.. just freeeeeeee!
One day though I won't want to be free. I will want to be tied to someone that makes me feel special, that fills my heart with so much love that I will be invincible. One day I want to give myself to that one person (or Elf, Umpa Lumpa or Munchkin) for the rest of my life.. and have days of adventure.. and days of snuggles with a tub of Ben & Jerry's under a cosy blanket. One day that is what I want. So whoever you are watch out. You may just be 'the one!'
So for future reference here is my dating hotline: 118 FLEXIBLE & IN NEED OF LOVE!
Psycho's need not apply.. or Elves without indoor plumbing! :)
